How to Make a Good Relationship Between Daughter-in-law and Mother-in-law

How to Make a Good Relationship Between Daughter-in-law and Mother-in-law


Perhaps you would not have noticed that the number of years you go to become a daughter with your mother, the same number of years you pass with your mother-in-law. Even it may be more. Same in your mother-in-law's case.

Although the relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is bad in maximum cases.

Either you are in the role of daughter-in-law or mother-in-law, no doubt these are a very important part of your relationship life. No doubt if you do not play these roles successfully then you may lose more than 50% happiness in your relationship life as well as your whole life. And you also know it.

Then the question is how you can able to play these roles successfully to enjoy every happiness of your life?

Now I am going to share with you such things which if you implement then you will surely be able to play these roles successfully.


How to Make a Good Relationship Between Daughter-in-law and Mother-in-law


The biggest reason for the poor relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is the fear of losing their position in the family. Whether it is mother-in-law or daughter-in-law, both want the position of Home Minister in the family and especially at home.

It is natural for both to expect the power like a home minister in their husband's home. They want to control the things of that home according to themselves.

But two home minister in a home is not possible. This is the root cause of conflict between these two for any reason.

And this will keep happening until either one of them stop asserting their right to this position. That sounds impossible again.


Then what is the solution?"

The best possible solution is to keep both of them in separate houses.

Of course, it is possible!

You can rent two different houses in the same city or colony. Or if you have two different houses in two different places,  you can put them there.

See, it is a nonsense that a family should live in the same house for the sake of mutual love, otherwise you do injustice to someone.

As a result, even after stress or hate, you live in the same house in the hope that everything will be fine with time.

But does it happen?

Maybe in some families, where the density of the hate is very low.

But generally, it does not happen!

Because hardness ends when you leave the same environment and stay in some other environment. Otherwise, in the same environment, it will retain or increase.

So if there is not a good relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law then living in two different homes is the best option.

Please don't misunderstand what I am suggesting to leave your old parent. You should not do that. I am just saying to give separate homes to each of them. It may be two flats of the same apartment or two separate Flores of a duplex.

Ya if your parents are too old and they need help 24x7, then you can put both of them in a single home. Because here only daughter-in-law will assert the power in that home and no doubt, mother-in-law will give up the allurement of power. It is natural, because how she can expect power while she is depended on her daughter-in-law now for survival and for small day to day works. So in this situation, if the mother-in-law is clever and mature then no doubt she will not expect the position of power in the home and will make good relations with the new home minister who is her daughter-in-law.

In this way, the feeling of insecurity will end for both of them. Remember this feeling of insecurity is the unconscious root cause of all problems between them. And at the end of this unconscious root cause, there is a strong possibility to make a good relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.


Generation gap

A generation gap is another big reason for the rift between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.  But this thing is always ignored. Due to which the tension and distances in both go on increasing.

Remember the generation gap is a reality. You can't ignore it.

You have to understand that the thought process of the people of a different generation is different. Both may be right according to their time and upbringing, which is the base of their whole life and it is almost impossible to change that.

So no need to enter into an endless argument. Just accept that as it is. Because it is the best profitable solution here.

Yes, it is!"

Remember you have not to change your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. Actually, you have to coordinate with her to make a lovely new world for yourself.

 From a mother-in-law's point of view, she has given her son to you, she is sharing her rights with you. So definitely some incompetence will be there for her. Due to this reason, she will judge you again and again. Everywhere from small to big things like cooking, handling her son, she will try to compare yourself with her performance.

By doing this, she simply tries to reduce the insecurity feeling of herself. After all, nobody likes to share their rights. So take it easy because it is a natural human behavior... Whenever you will be in her place, you will feel and do the same.


Of course, these things may irritate you! But it is totally natural.  It is like the flow of a river. If your mother-in-law is not a highly intelligent lady then you can't expect from her that she will not do these things. Because it is a law of nature that common people go with the flow.

You see the situations according to you and her according to her. For example, for your mobile means, a device by which you can communicate, chat, click selfies, use the Internet and many more. But for her, it is just for calling. You like to spend your free time in social media, she likes group discussion with other ladies. You like to discuss the life of actresses or brands, she likes to discuss her daughter-in-law.

Actually, both of you behave according to your upbringing. Both of you consider yourself to be right and want to change each other according to you.

But is it valid? Do you have the right to change her? Wouldn't it be unfair for someone to change against her will?

This is the reason that there is always tension in both. But if both of them understand this and accept it, then the solution is very simple.

First of all, learn to forgive and say to yourself "Okay mother in law, I forgive you". And if you are a mother-in-law, then say to yourself "ok daughter-in-law, I forgive you".

Don't underestimate the power of these sentences. Because they have a direct effect on your mind!"

Remember 80% of disputes happen because of very minor things between both of you, which have almost no value in real life.

So whenever you will say these sentences, your mind will make you realize the actual value of that matter. And our mind only focuses on those subjects which it feels valuable.

Remember, minor things will always happen in life. The question is, on which things do you want to spend your resources like time, energy, etc.

There is no doubt that you will put these resources to make your life happy, not to change anyone else.

Is not it?"

Whether you fight with your daughter-in-law or your mother-in-law, you will get grief in both the stages. I guarantee this.

So instead of that try to accept the differences between both of you. No need to judge each other.  Just consider the different opinions and thought the process of the two as independent rights of both.

There is a law for what is wrong. And those things which are beyond the law, are human rights.

So if both of you will give full respect to each other's human rights, then a good relationship is fully possible between a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.


Note >>   Thinking of a 55-year-old lady will be completely different from a 25-year-old lady. So the perception to judge a thing or matter will be different. Actually, your thinking is controlled by your generation and upbringing. So your point of view will be according to your generation and can also be correct. But maybe according to your generation only. May not for all generations. So you cannot judge a matter right or wrong based upon a particular generation only. Of course, you can, but only for your own. You can't force or expect others to accept that. Because the outcome of that matter may change in a different generation and right or wrong may change. To accept the generation gap and avoid worthless arguments.

Let me make you understand it better by an example:-

For example, in the 90s buying, a PC is the right decision. Because all family members could use that. But nowadays buying a smartphone is the right decision in place of PC. In such a situation, when it comes to choosing from these two, you will want to buy a smartphone, while your mother-in-law will want to buy a PC.

In such a case, if your husband supports the decision to buy a smartphone, which is the right decision according to the present time,  your mother-in-law will feel that you have kept her son under your control.

Now she will feel jealous of you and can also mess with you without any reason. In such a situation, first of all, you try to agree to her in your decision. For this, you can tell her the pros and cons, in which if she is able to see her benefit, then it is good. Let her feel that your wish has fulfilled only by her grant. After that, she will be happy and you will also get what you want. Also, no conflict will be there and a good relationship between both of you will be possible.

Of course, it depends on your smartness and communication skills.

Communication way

Actually, the wrong communication is the one that does not give a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If you are an expert in communication skills, then 90% chances are there to make a good relation with your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law. In fact, communication technology is the easiest way to control others' minds.

Here I am not only talking about the language, but also about your body language and behavior. All these are part of your communication ability.

If you know how to communicate effectively, then you can also hypnotize anyone with your words, however, it is a very small thing to have a good relationship.

Actually, your body language and tone are more negative than your words.
Consciously and unconsciously,  by your rude body language and tone, you make each other to hate yourself.

Of course, it is hard to accept, but it is a fact!

If your communication way will be love and respectful, then definitely you can convert the hatred in to love too. Even your communication technique should be love and respectful during the argument.

Don't forget, the relationship has to be maintained even after all the differences. Otherwise, you cannot enjoy your family life properly.

So now the choice is yours!"

In order to satisfy our ego, we try to offend others by our negative body language and tone. But we forget what the result will be.

So at least use a normal communication technique which will not hurt your mother-in-law's or daughter-in-law's ego, self-respect or individuality.

And remember, first you have to follow it after that expect the same from her. Trust me after some time she will also use a good communication way with you.  If not, then at least she will start to behave well with you.

But make sure that you will be use right and good communication techniques always. Because this habit will definitely give you great returns in the future.

Healthy Tips to make a good relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law

Tip (1)

You both spend time with each other. Talk to each other. Try to be like a friend to each other.

If you are a daughter-in-law, then listen to your mother-in-law. Let her share her things with you. No need to judge her right or wrong. Just make her feel that you like her as your mother and she can trust you. Be caring for her.

And if you are a mother-in-law then give your daughter-in-law the same love, freedom, and care which you give your daughter. Give the responsibility and rights at the same time to her. Consider her your successor. Don't worry, by getting your positive support and trust she will love you from the heart and then both of your relationships will be very good.


Tip (2)

No doubt your mother-in-law will love to guide you. Because it is a natural human behavior of elders. Because they think and feel that they have more experience in life.

In that case, do not reject their guidance directly.  If that is good then follow that. Otherwise told her the pros and cons of that matter and a valid reason to avoid that.

Also, you can only show her that you are following her.

Listen to a thing. 

Just make her feel that her guidance and opinion is very important for you. This thing will make a good impression of yourself.

Just tell her in a caring way "I will do everything perfectly. You don't worry and take rest."

Actually, she wants from you to take over the responsibilities but at the same time, she wants to maintain her importance too in the family.

This is why she feels insecure and interfering with maximum time. Only to check her power in the family.

So handle it cleverly. Do the best possible things and let her also feel that her importance and power both are safe in the family and in your heart too.

And if you are a mother-in-law then understand a thing. After your son's marriage, your happy comfort life directly depends on your daughter-in-law. You are an old tree in the garden whereas she is the gardener of that garden.

So give her love, importance, and trust. She is not your competitor or replacement. She is your successor. So keep this thing in mind and behave accordingly.

If both of you will understand your responsibilities and places in the home and family and also ready to accept that then definitely a very good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is possible.


Tip (3)

Actually, in many cases, there is not any kind of personal problem between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Even it is very easy to make a good relationship between them there.

But the obstacle here is a negative environment around them. Normally there is a negative image and believe about the relationship between these two. This affects your mind directly and indirectly. Which creates doubt and misunderstanding between both of you.

And remember, these two things are the disaster of any relationship.

So, first of all, avoid the so-called beliefs of others and try to understand each other as it is. No doubt it will take time. So never reach on to a conclusion quickly. Just give time to each other.


Acceptance is the best way to make a good relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Of course, some things are difficult to accept but remember no one will be perfect. Love, care and respect are the three things by which you can change any one's opinion about you. As it is a very sensitive relationship so you need to have patience.


  1. Interesting post. Thanks for sharing 👍🏻

  2. You are providing good knowledge. It is really helpful and factual information for us and everyone to increase knowledge about Couple Counselling Singapore. Continue sharing your data. Thank you.


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